Dealing With Teen Drama discussed some of the dynamics behind the hurtful behavior that often occurs in within teen girls’ personal relationships. But in addition to understanding the problem, girls need assistance in building the skills that will help them get through these difficult experiences.
Build Her Self Esteem
Social problems between girls often occur because girls are attempting to boost their own self-esteem. By putting another girl down or isolating friends from activities, girls think they are increasing their own social “capital” and raising their social status. This type of “one up, one down” behavior becomes unnecessary when girls are able to gain self-esteem in other ways. Help her discover her unique talents and abilities, and praise her for her efforts and accomplishments.
Teach Her How to Compliment Others
Recognizing the achievements of a friend shouldn’t be threatening, yet it is just this type of event that often leads to jealousy and backbiting. Help her recognize that praising other girls and their accomplishments doesn’t diminish her own abilities. On the contrary: being mature enough to acknowledge when others have done well shows she has both confidence and grace.
Help Her Move From Competition to Cooperation
Our society socializes girls to compete with each other; for grades, for jobs, for opportunities, and for the attentions of the opposite sex. One of the results of this is that girls often view other girls, even their own friends, as obstacles rather than allies. It takes many girls a long time, even a lifetime, to recognize how much more they can accomplish when they work together rather than against each other.
Teach Communication Skills
Girls need to learn to talk to each other openly and honestly rather than relying on rumors, assumptions, misinterpreted body language, and heightened emotional states. Teach girls how to listen not only to the content of what their friends are telling them but also to develop an ear for the feelings that lie beneath. Using reflective listening skills can help clarify issues and broaden understanding. Confronting issues directly with respect and a common goal of working out the problem is much more helpful than responses that tend only to escalate the situation.
Open Up Her Social Circles
Girls who have close friends from more than one “group” are often more resilient in the face of girl drama because their whole world isn’t dependent upon the fickle alliances of one peer group. Helping her find activities that may lead her to meet new people who share her interests and ideals (such as clubs, church groups, sports teams, etc.) can both broaden her world and inoculate her from the fallout.
Helping girls learn how to support and encourage one another will help them feel good about their relationships as well as themselves. For more on this subject, check out Relational Aggression and Teens or Encouraging Female Friendships.
