Handling Difficult Parents
Teachers and Youth Worker Can Turn Confrontation into Cooperation
How youth workers can turn demanding parents into allies and provide the best outcomes for kids.
Working with difficult or demanding parents can be a huge challenge for teachers and youth workers. It can cause us to feel unappreciated and defensive, and can put up roadblocks in our efforts to help kids. What can we do to turn these situations around and improve the parent/-teacher relationship?
Listen first. Often when parents appear to be complaining, accusatory, or downright impossible, it’s because they are simply frustrated. The best way to respond is to listen to and acknowledge that frustration. Until parents feel heard and understood they won’t be able to work with you on finding solutions. Try to pinpoint the parental need that is underneath their anger, and then try a reflective statement like, “That must have been so frustrating for you,” or “I certainly want to do all I can to make sure that Billy is comfortable here.” Sometimes, a simple statement like this not only dials it down a notch or two, but also helps parents realize that you are on their side. Try doing this at several points during the conversation to make sure parents feel heard.
Offer help. If the complaint is about something you have no control over, as it often is, offer to find out what happened or who you need to talk to in order to fix the situation. Parents will appreciate your willingness to work on their behalf. If they have a legitimate issue with something you’ve done, or something that is within your means to address, apologize, and help brainstorm suggestions to rectify the situation.
Find support. If demands are personal and unreasonable, try not to react emotionally if you can help it. This often results in an escalation of the situation, which is exactly what you don’t want. Instead, try to find a supervisor willing to sit in and help facilitate a problem-solving session between the parent and yourself. Sometimes, a neutral third party can help resolve situations more easily than you can do on your own. Plus, if the parent is truly being unreasonable, the supervisor can support you by setting clear limits with the parent.
What’s best for the child. No matter what the conflict, communicate to the parent that your goal is to help their child. When parents are assured that you care, they are more willing to work as a team with you. Keep in mind that what you think is best for the child and what the parent thinks is best may not be the same. In these cases, supervisor input may be necessary if you can’t reach an agreement or compromise.
Refrain from personal attacks. Even if the parent stoops to this level, hold your tongue. It’s unprofessional and immature, and it will likely only inflame the situation. But don’t tolerate verbal abuse, either. If the parent starts going down that road, remind them politely that you are happy to discuss the problem in a civil fashion, otherwise you will have to postpone until a supervisor can join you. If you feel unsafe or threatened, get help immediately.
You may also be interested in Building Confidence in Teens or Building Trust with Teens.
