Building Relationships With Teens
Ten Ways for Youth Workers to Build Trust and Respect
Jul 17, 2009
Some people seem to have a natural talent for working with young people. These people seem to make the biggest impact on kids, gain the most respect, and, most importantly, kids genuinely like them. What do these people do in their relationships with kids that sets them apart?
Listening to Teens
Truly listening to what kids have to say may be the most important element in relationship-building. So often, kids feel unheard or dismissed. Those adults who give kids their full attention, and listen without judgment or interruption, will find that teens will seek them out.
Being Genuine
Kids can smell a phony a mile away. While its great to show an interest in what kids are interested in, those who take it to far, and try to be someone they’re not, won’t fool anyone. Teens are more apt to respect adults who can relate to kids while being true to themselves.
Spending Time Together
Getting involved with teens’ activities, rather than just watching or supervising from the sidelines, also helps in rapport building. Those who have the best relationships with teens are familiar with what teens like and genuinely enjoy hanging out with them.
Providing Structure
Youth workers who create programs with a specific structure help kids feel safe and secure. In addition, taking the time to develop fun and appropriate activities shows kids that they are valued and worthwhile.
Recognizing Individual Strengths
Each kid is good at something, but sometimes they need help figuring out what that is. Especially for the teen who may not be good at academics or athletics (the two talents most often recognized and celebrated), an adult mentor who support his interests and fledgling skills may make a huge impact on his life.
Helping Build Independence
As they develop, teens naturally want to take on more independence and be more responsible for themselves. Adults can support this developmental need by providing just the right amount of structure to help kids be successful, and gradually helping less and less until kids are flying solo.
Respecting Uniqueness
Another critical element of building trust is accepting kids for who they are. Adults who are able to recognize and celebrate each teen’s uniqueness will help boost confidence and self-respect.
Providing Affirmations
Kids need frequent positive feedback to let them know they are on the right track. They are often full of self-doubt, but usually don’t let anyone know about it. Youth workers who recognize and tell kids they’ve done a great job, had a great idea, or did an excellent job assisting with a task boost kids' confidence and encourage them to try again next time.
For some youth workers, these components may come naturally; others may have to make a conscious effort in one or two areas. By critically examining what they say and do, all youth workers can improve their relationships with teens.
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